Idunno09

Off to my last school trip: Myan Route!

It's like 11 or 12 days (too lazy to count) going all around the South-East states over here. Of course it's a school trip, so like the previous one (which lasted a week), so we're going to be busy like hell. And don't doubt it's going to be like previous trip, or twice the heavier; arriving at the hotel at 11, after a lapse of almost 17 hours of activities, and waking up at 6. At least, I'm not getting up at 4:30 like I have to while normal school days

But with a loadshit of work both during and after the trip, I'M GOING TO HAVE THE FREAKING TIME OF MY LIFE, SERIOUSLY.

Away of home (I love my family, but I live happier outside my house) for two weeks, surrounded only by my dearest mates and friends, taking breakfast with them, and with the best teachers evers, going to activities in beautiful places of my beloved and so darn pretty Mexico, and just being happy all around.

I mean, how not to be happy in places like DAMN TULUM. Like, look at it and melt.



Fucking melt.



MELT AND ENVY



FUCKING SUFFER WITH JEALOUSY



DIE IN JEALOUSY



So, as I'll barely have time to go into the net (I doubt there'll be days I actually can), that won't be to see devA but to say hi to André on Facebook. So that'll be two weeks away of here, and I'll miss you guys, but I'll be back soon

Btw, I do have been writing. I'm just slower than a freaking snail. Pardon me.
BUT the Cat Duet's still moving, and I couldn't help start a new Bobkey (secret, secret).

That's it, believe it or not, I'm still into the fandom world.

Bitches.

TALKING ABOUT FANDOMS.

Maze Runner, anyone? <del>Minho/Newt, Newt/Thomas, Thomas/Minho, Alby/Newt?</del>

AND I JUST QUIT BEING A SQUIB.

Mom's a muggle, dad's a wizard. My brother's a squib, and I've just become a full witch. (Meaning I just finished reading all of HP books and will soon have a Pottermore account [pretty sure I'll be Hufflepuff]). Life's lost sense now that I'm done with the books. 

Hm...what about MCR or GD fiction on Howgarts?

So that's bye from me for two weeks. I'm off with what's most precious to me in a fantasy world for some days; my school.

See you, guys! Eat healthy, and if you ever get a single second of Idunno09 in your head for a tiny moment, visualize me being happy at the beach or through forests or through Mayan ruins being the happiest worm alive.

Take care! I adore you!


PS: The hero here's my dad. He insisted on the boss for weeks, maybe even months, to get the money for the trip. I told him it was totally okay if we couldn't afford it (we're going through heavy economic times, and I understand), and though I was honest on it, he knows Mayan Route's what I've been dreaming for three years now. He insisted, and has gotten engaged to work just to get the money on time. Even though it's in two months, this is the best gift they could give me for my 18 years of existance. Well, mom decided that was my birthday gift; dad was going to give me this trip even with no special reason but how happy he knows it's going to make me.

Say all you want, but the best dad in the universe is MINE!

I was tagged by Murderous-Coffeebean to the shuffle meme, so here it goes.

1.- Sick Little Games - All Time Low
2.- Feria de Chilpancingo - Mexican Folk song
3.- Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
4.- Always - Blink 182
5.- Emerald Sword - Rhapsody of Fire
6.- A House Divided - Megadeth
7.- King For A Day - Green Day
8.- And I Love Her - The Beatles
9.- Legend of Zelda Main Theme (Metal cover)
10.- Fairytale - Alexander Rybak.

I'm guessing it's ten songs? I forgot! But there it is

Now two rants!

On the worst of news; mi guitar is broken. Her name is Maria (due to the two girls I've crushed on the hardest until now [one whose middle name is actually Maria, and the other is more like Marianne], plus the fact that it's a name that reminds me lots, lots, lots of Mexico, the place I adore the most, so). 
She's...god. A galaxy in my universe. She means more to me than some of my acquaintances, in the knowledge that she's the one I started with in my musical studies. She actually belongs to my brother, but he hasn't used it in five or so years, so I've taken it for school as they can't buy me my own. 
She's become mine in some way.
She...is the one I learned with. The only one I've played. The one I was with in my first classical-guitar presentations (along André). My school mate; my partner in the path of my life, literally.

And now she's broken.

She was already injured, quite badly, but she still roared and souded soft. I took it with me on Thursday for rehearsal with the guys in the band (my classmates ), so I left it in the classroom while I went get some food at lunch. I didn't know there'd be people in the classroom when at recess; we're not even allowed to so. So I guess someone, accidentally, must have dropped it, then placed it back on its place for me not to notice. Because when I took it out...

She was already broken. Like, man. 

If I'm honest to you, I'm terribly, horribly brokenhearted right now. 

As soon as I can, I'm gonna go get it fixed, but...they are surely gonna patch many parts of it, if not all the wood for the sides. So it's not gonna be the same. She's not gonna be the same way she came to the world, on June 16, 2006. My Maria has died; still can come to life, but not the same way. I'm...god. God, why her?

I'm sorry if I'm too dramatic over a guitar, but...I don't think someone can understand the connection between me and my first, only guitar, for whom I've taken my first steps in what I'm becoming in life. She's, somehow, made me. And the duet with André on one guitar...was with her </3

But, anyway. I'll heal from that. 

Like I've healed from a year ago. September the fifth, guys; today is a year since the guy before André broke up with me. and I FEEL INCREDIBLY GREAT!

I'm not happy for not having him in my life anymore. I'm happy because it doesn't hurt anymore.
I forgave him as soon as he did what he did, after the cheating, after everything. A year ago, I'd already lost everything; he was the only thing I had. Then, with a last slap, he left as well. That's why I was so drowned in misery that time; I felt used, betrayed, and plain unloved.

Today, I'm feeling great. Because it doesn't hurt; because, after some months, he understood my petition and has come back to be my friend. He's the one getting close now, playful and friendly, as if trying to fix what I had already forgiven. I can look at him to the eyes, without feeling the heart paining or that awful need to throw up; I can laugh at him and with him, without needing to fall as his feet, crying; I can now look at him and his new girlfriend, and smile. And ignore. Ignore with nothing getting twisted inside me.

Today, I thanked all the people who helped me a year ago; only one knew why I got close, screamed "Thank you! It's September the fifth!" and hugged them. The rest just said "You're welcome..but...what did I do?". I just thanked them without tellng them why, and hugged them like I'd never done.

The girl who first insisted on me if I was okay, knowing I lied when I smiled, until she had me hugged, crying; the girl who saw the tears, and cared for me; the guys who carried my backpack and guitar out of school and tried their best to make me laugh that day; the guy who hugged me and needed no explanation (not needing to know the oh so known rumor to just know I needed the hug); the guy who listened, at a side of the girl who held my hand; all the people who hugged and comforted me. Of course, the guy who didn't know me, and still hugged me screaming "Please, don't cry!", to later on become a deep close friend of mine; Daniel.

I hugged them all. Because it wasn't until this school that somebody actually cared and got worried when seeing I was crying; it's the first place I've been at where they actually hugged the pain away, even if it came back. Thanks to them, thanks to myself, and thanks to André...it doesn't hurt today. If none of them had had been there, man, I'd be sad today from the memories and all; today, I take them with lots of joy

They told me lots of stuff; "You're gonna be okay", "Every relationship is a gift, whatever way it ends", "Karma pays". Believed in them all; didn't think it'd be this ridiculously HUGE.

When they told me I'd be okay, I didn't think I'd actually be this alright; I still have wounds to heal (from other things, not necessarily from this guy), but he doesn't ache on me anymore. I had a lot of fun with him, even if it had to end that way. But it was a good relationship for as long as it lasted, I guess. Just not what I needed; not what was meant for me.

Then André appeared. And things are going incredibly good between us.

I've found outs things of his past that hurt me, not for what he's done that could hit me, but merely for who he used to be. Have you had that sensation? It's when someone you appreciate has a good present, is a good person, and heads for a great future...but was a bad person in their past, that it just merely hurts to look at who they used to be. Have you felt it? It's strange.

I'm fearful everyday that he's still that bad, and actually disgusting person he used to be even back at February; that he's going to do the same to me, that this, that something, that whatever. But it's like I once wrote on Facebook...he's like raising a tiger. Everybody's expecting him to fail; at least some of my acquaintances and even a close friend of mine keep their eyes on him, waiting for that moment in which he finally hits me. Because they know who he was, and the pain he caused in his recent past. When I'm with him in public, they may give us the odd looks; seeing a girl with a tiger on the street, laughing, caressing his hair. Like they know he'll just eat me when they stare away. But I still go on; because he hasn't bitten me. But they're right when they say you never know if he's truly changed; but it's a matter of putting my hand in his mouth, and expect for him not to bite. Even when hungry.

I may be doing stupidities; but I trust in him. I did the same on my previous relationship, and the previous one to that one, and both ended terribly wrong for me. But I still go on, putting my trust on him now. Because now it's not just "I've got a boyfriend, I'll trust him". It's an actual...I've seen him, heard him, and witnessed him doing or saying stuff that actually shows he cares. He's cried to me, honest stuff. Sometimes, for the way he acts, I doubt a bit; but it's merely my paranoia. Or so I hope.

If he's lying, he's got to be the best liar in history. Because I can't see the mistake in him just yet.

Please, hope along me it goes just fine this one time. Because if I'm honest, I've never felt this way before; and I don't know what I'll do if things are going/suddenly go wrong. I may lose...even more than a year ago.
I trust in him. He's been really good to me; we've had downs as well, but we've actually fixed it. And he's...gah, don't know. He's done things nobody's done for me before. 

OH! Talking about him, I saw him today, a year ago! And he hurt me!

You see, I've crushed on him for two years now (don'tjudgemehe'shandsomeandfriendly), so today a year ago, when my ex broke me up, I walked out of school made a terrible mess; worst of auras, messy hair, and my tiny figure loaded with both a guitar and a full backpack, and now that I was away of my classmates, I was crying so hard I just had notion of where I was walking by but couldn't entirely see where I was, and my whole face and neck were damp. I wa heading towards the train station, and midway there (from a 10-minutes walk), I looked up and saw him. Hugging his girlfriend. Laughing with her. 

First thing that came to me was "God, please, no...", like he was actually my boyfriend and I had caught him. I swear, I felt the heart getting crushed so much, that in that moment I knew I still liked him even when he didn't talk shit; I felt it so crushed down, that I felt confused on why a stranger caused on me such effect. I had had the worst day ever; and then I saw my platonic love with his girlfriend sharing what I though I'd never have again in years and decades. It was like the world was telling me "This is a reminder you won't get any romance, deary".

I had to stare away, and walk past them quickly for them not to notice my tears. I had no idea what I'd do if they went "Oh, hey, Yola!", because I'm too soft-hearted to ignore people. If they had seen me crying...if I had seen him to the eyes that day, I'd have merely fallen at his feet, crying a thousand times harder, and pleading for him to do something, even when back then we were just a guy who knew this girl. 

...destiny, someone? 

God, I hate destiny; IT'S FUCKING RIGHT AND ACTUALLY EXISTS

But I've talked too much, huh?

I swear I'm trying to work on The Cat Duet and other stories (if somebody cares ), but school's gone HARDCORE LEGEND MODE.

Have the greatest of weekends, and one last thing:

THANK YOOOOUUUU!!!! To all those of you who read me a moping a year ago! For all the support through this. THANK YOU!

Bye!

*EDIT*: Non-defined break/hiatus (?) due to lost data and loadshits of homework. Will re-write asap.

My laptop suffered of something. Information may not be saved. The Cat Duet and Ghosts of the Attic, plus a Medieval!Frikey, a Frerard request, a Frerard oneshot, It Seem Like We're Puppies were there. There's a 20% probabilities they will be saved. I'm destroyed like you don't have an idea. Because they were my babies. You may know my intimacy with The Cat Duet....

My original novel, all the details, facts, characters, storyline, important points and such of the story are all gone.
Kilos and kilos of music.
All my pictures.

All. My. Homework. Homework I've done for THREE weeks. ALL. OF. IT. Now I've gotta repeat and do magic, because it's due to Monday. Hahahahaaaaaaaaahg asfhdisogjfdg

But what I'm losing in MS Word is what hurts the most. My fictions and first original shit. And poems. And my music compositions. Leave me here to die. 

Now the next part: Dramatically  Long Journals. The topic of this week: Let's Name Him Andy.

They say things get alright. They just don't mention how ridiculous it can get.

*Warning* EXTREMELY LONG D:

I hadn't talked about this earlier because I didn't want to spam you with all these journals, and also because I didn't want to get my hopes too far up.

Andy is this guy I know since a week or so before joining my current school. Y'see, once you get to be part of the school, as it's only like 100 people per generation, it's quite a small community (especially since not all survive semester by semester). So as it's quite "special" to get to be in, the guys a year above us, a week or so before you go into your first year, do some kind of Welcoming, that's more a game than a party, without us knowing it's a game. After it, somebody of them must become the "godfather" or "godmother" of one of the first-year guys, and it's chosen randomly, they don't pick their kid.

There was this guy, glasses, big brown eyes, messy black hair, slightly dark-skinned, slender and...I calculate 5 foot eight?, who got to become my godfather. First conversation was after the welcoming, he went looking after me to tell me I could ask him anything, and such, being my godfather and all, I thanked him, goodbye, the end.

Since then, we didn't talk shit.

It was not that I didn't want to. Indeed, the problema was that I was dying to. After a few days of the first days of classes on first year, I once saw him (not like I was stalking or anything) and thought "...I kinda like him". But he's this badass, cool guy, so damn attractive and so ridiculously awesome that I thought, "Why would such a cool guy want to hang out with such a wimp?", so I backed off, so he wouldn't find out the loser I was, and even worse compared to him.

First year went by, he got a girlfriend on first semester, I got my boyfriend in second semester...and Andy and I only talked from 2 to 3 or 4 times, and never something too long or interesting. He was too cool to be my friend, I thought. It was basically the same Maria case; I liked him so, so, sososososososo much I just couldn't talk to him because that'd mean dying out of thirst beside the fountain. Off to holidays, into third semester, I broke up with my boyfriend, died of embarrassment until December (because the whole school knew what he did, and I died of embarrassment just walking into school for being "that girl he cheated on"), holidays, fourth semester, and still not friends or anything, just a few words shared every now and then; curiously, mostly thanks to Maria.

Somewhere between my third and fourth semester, he broke up with his girlfriend. Then, by...what? February? He started speaking to me more than the usual. No, maybe March. Facebook conversations mostly, then he lost a bet with me and ows me a raccoon for daring me to learn, by memory and without stuttering, the word "pentakysmiriohexaquiskiliotetracosiohexacontapentagonalis" (FUCK YEAH! ), and a bit more of conversation, I found him sometimes when I got out of classes, sometimes Heard him play guitar while with Maria (he's, I swear, the best guitarist in school, at least from third and second year, as I don't know much of the first graders), and stuff like that.

Then, one day, he started sending me letters. Not as in, letters...literally, letters. First, "E J M". Then, the second day, "M U U", and more letters that started our conversations, and I used to take it as a joke and something to joke with and such, and as days carried on, we continued talking, and it was really comfortable, but I still felt stupid most of the time for talking to such awesome dude being me. After a few more letters, the only reasonable thing was "I like you so much", with a few letters missing. I went nuts and then I was like, whatthehell, and I just lied down failing miserably in life because I was hallucinating and thinking he would ever ever in existance like me out of every other person out there. Then he gave me a few more letters, and the only, single thing that turned out of those words was "I like you so muc-", and he said "Only one letter left. Now it's your turn, find it out "

 It's Sunday, April 13. He confirms the last letter is H (S, in my case), and I've got low internet, at granny's house. I go nuts, I only turn out with that answer, I lose my sense of logic, then almost get a brain attack, at which he laughs, then sees it's almost a panic attack (god, I can be awkward...), and decides to solve it before I die, as I tell him I can't find a logic answer. He says the correct order had to be: "I l i k e y o u s o m u c h" (it was a puzzle with logic, not just breaking the phrase in letters then throw it away randomly). I almost got a heart attack, had to go in circles around the living room, and started trembling so much I swear I almost passed out. So I went paranoid and told him it didn't make sense and such, and he asked "It was THAT bad finding out?", and so on, and then I just was like "...b-baaah, what is happening? ;___;", and he somewhat wanted to explain, seeing the state I was in.

He said he had more than enough reasons, but, I quote, "if you want only one, that's because it's YOU", so I went nuts (I haven't gotten in such stressed, paranoid and eager state as then, THAT'S how bad he had me), and then I told him that I still didn't understand because it all was so out of nowhere, and he said that, no, indeed, it all started since I joined the school, but that I didn't have to ask him why because he didn't know either. Then I went even more nuts, and told him "I just...akdjskdg, it doesn't make sense, and I'm literally shocked. And it was really unexpected, because....I liked you too since I joined the school. And still like you ><"

Then things got awkward, and I explained the reason I didn't speak to him, and then I said I didn't know what to say, and he said "I guess it's been said enough". And we stayed in silence for like three hours, until he said we had to break the awkward and asked me what I was doing. We started talking as if though absolutely nothing had happened, and I freaked out again, so after a few more talking and slowly, discretely, we started talking a bit more...more romantically, like we were a couple or something, so I freaked out because I didn't know our position. So days passed by without me knowing what the hell had happened, and uh, we talked like friends, like usual, but from time to time we said stuff like we were already a couple and such, so that confused me even more and made me think I was dreaming or something and I was so deeply scared of waking up I just almost cried ;____;

Then he said that there was this coward boy who wanted to ask this girl out, but he was too shy and scared to do it, and so I suggested he better do it, and so he was like "So...you want to go out with me?" and I just went plain nuts and died and had to run around in circles (literally), then tell him Yes without even asking my parents and such. So on Friday 18, it was his birthday, and we still talked like friends, then like a couple, then friends and so on and on, and aosjdoijg, then on Saturday I went with two friends to this place where they sell band merch and goth, punk, skate, emo, dark, blah blah blah stuff, and side note,I bought my first Green Day tee and a dragon earring kinda thingie.

Then we went to sit to a bench where I'd wait for Andy (one of my friends was off home, the other, my best friend, would be off with Maria, his girlfriend), but I was so nervous I almost ran home. No joke. I had to be sat there, facing the side I was facing, because that was the plan with Andy. I explain; I told him that if I saw him arriving, I'd get so, so, sososososososo red I'd die of embarrassment, so I asked him to arrive from behind, cover my eyes so I'd know it was him, so I'd have time to become apple-red, then let it fade, and finally turn around and greet him. I'm a scared kitten, don't judge ;____;

And so that happened. Itwassodamnsweet. And then we went to watch Spiderman 2, which isn't the great thing, really, more love and drama than blood and fighting, and he was all anxious and so nervous I swear he almost got a heart attack right there buying damn popcorns. So after the movie we went to walk around the place, then we went out because he wanted to, straight off to this library, found it closed, so we sat outside.

He's got something for kisses. More than anything, for seeing other people kiss; he enjoys watching two people that love each other kissing, because, as he says, there's just so much happening in those moments, and it's magic and he loves it. So he started looking for people that were kissing, and found none. So we sat in silence for minutes and minutes, and the silence carried on and he just turned to look at me, tried to say something, stuttered, tried to get closer, couldn't, went back, more stuttering, and more silence.

Then he just started taking my hand between his, looking at it as if searching something, and then just held it against his own. Then he started rambling about kisses again, and about how wonderful they were. His favorite kisses to stare at are the first ones between people, not the first one ever (because he says he'd have to stalk little kids and that'd be creepy), and he started rambling about them.

He said many things ocurred before and during one of those. "For example, hands start to sweat...", and I just blushed so much I almost bleed from the face because our damn hands were sweating and I hadnoideawhattodo and I started panicking and ohmygood I stillpanicifIremember asjopdfjpohgh- *Idunno09.exe has stopped working*

*Rebooting*

SO!

He kept trying and trying, and I didn't say a thing and just burned like a damn cherry and almost died. I don't remember exactly what he said BUT IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME and damn sweet, and he kept trying and such, and he was DAMN NERVOUS AND DAMN SCARED, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN, OHMYGODLIKELIKE,I mean, he's this freking AWESOME dude that goes on stage fearless and does epic shit, and he's HE'S SO DAMN SHY IT'S RIDICULOUS, IT'S LIKE TAKING DAMN SHYNESS, MAKE IT HANDSOME AND CALL IT ANDY LIKE SERIOUSLY. SHY. AS IN, HE'S SHY. IALWAYSWANTEDASHYGUY.

After a while of just staring at me, trembling and almost getting an anxiety attack (he said it was literal; he tends to get anxiety attacks if he's too nervous or scared, and he was both in the moment), and his mouth trembled a bit as well, and he had to grip my hand to calm the heck down.Then he just stared at me, stared away and sighed, and said "God...by now,  I would have done or said something, I'd of have moved already. Why can't I? What makes you different?" AND I ALMOST EXPLODEDANDDIEDANDPEEDRIGHTTHEREICAN'TCOPEWITHTHESEFEELINGSANDEMOTIONS AISDJOIGJODIFGJFOIJG

And he kept trying and then just shook his head and murmured "I can't". I just stayed there, silent and seeing him, and he just said "I can't...I can't do it", and he kept denying it. And I don't remember exactly how we got there, but he then just sighed, sat across me instead of across-to-a-side, and I was so frozen out of my state of shock, I don't remember well what he said, but he closed my eyes softly after moments of silence.Then he whispered "Don't open them", and I nodded. He knows I'm far too shy to kiss someone, so I have to go "Do it you, while I don't see and just expect it", and I just stayed there, eyes closed, waiting.He took an eternity, but I don't complain. It's...it's first time someone actually does it the way I do; slow, far too slow to really move at first. So slow he took more time getting close than actually kissing me. So slow I thought he had run away

I was there, just waiting, and I felt tickles all around everywhere. Then I got scared because I have no idea hwo to kiss and I had my platonic love right there wanting to get close and I was paranoid and didn'tknowwhattodo, so I thought of running away, but I didn't want to because I wanted that to happen.His hair suddenly tickled me. He went back again out of fear or nerves, and had to start again. When I felt his hair again on my forehead, I tightened my closed eyes, and my respiration got heavier out of fear and nerves. I swear he was so damn slow it's the best kiss I've ever received; I always wanted just that, that he or she would just take their time there, just breathing the same air, barely even ghosting the mouth with their own, just waiting, going slow.

And, then, it happened. The ridiculously soft, once-impossible-like, platonic, dearly-wanted-since-ages lips of the guy I tagged as Impossible, pressed to mine...so, so damn softly, I felt our lips would become clouds or cotton. It was...dude, now I understand the shit I write; the slowest, softest, most gentle kiss I've received in my whole life. And it was the best.And it lasted. But it was SO slow I thought for a minute this was a movie and it had become slow-motion. Nobody's ever been as gentle, shy, slow and damn careful like he was.

When he stopped, he didn't get away; he freaking stayed there, nose to nose and forehead to forehead, just apsojdoipjgoidjgoijfg HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE IN REAL LIFE!? And he just kept kissing my face and being SO damn gentle I still don't understand how that was even possible. So we talked a bit about how we felt and such, and I told him about what I considered him and why I couldn't believe this.

Then he smiled and said "There's this coward...who would like to know if this girl would like to be his...you know..." *three minutes of stuttering* "...girlfriend....but he's too shy...what would that girl say?" *leaves it here to continue journal tomorrow.* *comes back* and I just went nuts and told him that maybe that girl wanted to say Yes, but... "But?" he questioned to my silence. And, suddenly, I started crying .___. I started telling him that maybe that girl was scared, not because of what the boy would do to her, but because of what he could find out of the girl...because if they had left her, it's for no other reason than knowing her true self.

I just started crying and he looked at me like he was finding out some kind of side of me he didn't expect. I just, god, felt pathetic. Because I've got in mind that if they've dumped me twice for somebody else, it's because I'm not enough, and therefore, I must be boring, ugly, stupid, awkward, or/and many other things that they find out along the relationship, then lasts thre months until they get tired of my shit, and change me/leave me or something, so I cried all this to him, and I expected promises of forever and protection, but instead he plain hugged me, and cuddld the tears away. Then, once separated, he said that it's okay, and that if I ever get hurt, it would be fault of every but him.

Before kissing me, he had looked at me with sad eyes and kissed me on the cheek as softly and gently, and told me he was scared of trying a relationship because he, for his own mistakes, tends to hurt his partner, and he didn't want to repeat it. Therefore, the fact that, after telling me so for the second time, he actually went to ask me and promised to not forget the fear but at least get over it on the way...man, I couldn't say no, but I was still shitlss scared, because...well, I promised no more relationships, especially with people as awesome as he is.
After some moments and more talking, he asked again. I askd him if he didn't have problems with it; with me not liking masses of people, being unexperienced in basically everything, and especially with my problems related to physical contact (I jump if they try to touch me, but I'm working on it). He said it totally didn't matter, and w kept talking and trying to solve things out. At a certain point, he took my face and started kissing it, as slowly and gently as before. Then he kissed my eye, and I giggled, thinking it was a game, but he whispered "I don't like to see you crying", and kissed both of my eyes so damn sweetly I almost exploded right there.

I told him that I still doubted, because, quoting myself, "You're a ridiculously attractive guy, so you should be with a ridiculously attractive person", but we just laughed at how I said it despite being serious, and he hugged me again. He told me that he didn't care, and that he actually considered me one of the prettiest girls in second grade and aosjdoisjgoifjgg. Man, I'm sorry, I know there's just SO much to tell you but I just don't remember the whole thing clearly because...well, I was in panic. Almost literally. Maybe literally. I'm not sure, I just know my brain died at night. In the end, I said yes. Couldn't say no to him. I mean...it's the awesome guy I totally tagged as Impossible and th dude I've always crushed on since almost the very first day I freaking saw him, standing right at my doorstep!

After that we kept talking and stuff, and I don't remember well what we said and such because, y'know, I was so lost in the moment I just...lived in the present and forgot to note it for the future. What I know is, he said that he had found out that "that girl", talking again as if though it was about other people, was quite hurt and scared, but that he wanted to help her and try to solve all the things others had not appreciated yet so HE BASICALLY SAID HEWANTEDTOFIXTHEBROKENSTUFFANDTHAT'SSOMEBEAUTIFULSHIT!

Once, talking through Facebook before that Saturday, he told me about his fear of hurting others, so I asked why he didn't stop. He said that it's just that sometimes people didn't understand him, and he went uncomfortable, anxious or he felt like the 'love' just faded away, reason of why he tends to break up with his partners, but he doesn't like that because he knows he's hurting them, and he's scared of hurting people. So I told him that it was just a matter of being patient with himself, and realize that there will always be a point where he would fel like that, but that he had to carry on and realize it's just a phase. That was first time he said "I think I'm kinda complicated and people don't understand sometimes...I'm digusting". I told him that he was not, and that there were people who seemd to be disgusting, when they're just misunderstood. "I like to understand them...or at least pretend I do", I told him.

then I told him I wanted to help him. He asked me what I thought of him now that I knew that, and I just said "I think you're just scared and hurt, and haven't noticed". He askd if I was serious and I said "Yes, but that's nothing bad. It's not something impossible to understand and fix". So I basically promised him to overcome his fear. But...man, this is quite a strong promise; I?ve promised to be strong facing my own fear. He fears hurting, I fear to be hurt...I'm not sure whether it'll happen soon or not, but I know that, when it's my turn to help him, I'll have to be way stronger than I've been before. Because it's facing a fear, for the sake of destroying his. Curious thing is, destroying his, mine cools down as well, and maybe even goes away.

That's what we noticed; we're standing in such similar situation, we haven't realized how alike we are. And that, my friends, give me a totally positive feeling.

We're both damn shy like hell, and when he asked me out, we both went nuts and paranoid, and we ended up made a mess organizing ourselves and he said "God, I'm sorry. Look at me, trying to finally ask you out, and going stupid. I'm way too dumb for this". I told him. "Don't worry, I'm freaking dumb with all this, too. But look at it this way; dumb + dumb = something must result". and I AND I DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT I SAID UNTIL I SENT IT AND OHMYGODIALMOSTDIERIGHTTHERE I WANTED THE GROUNDTOEATME DX But it turned out just fine! Indeed, he remembered about it when he asked me to be in a relationship. He rested his forehead to mine, held my hands, smiled and said, after I had gone nuts on the reasons why he shouldn't be with me, "Hey...dumb plus dumb...", so I just laughed (I was still crying) and whispered "Something must result".

Okay, I don't know you, but this smells like my new favorite love story.

After more cuddling and kissing a bit more just as gentle as before, he asked me to kiss him. He had noticed that when he kissed me, I stayed totally frozen and tensed up, and he asked why; "It's just...I don't have an idea how to kiss, so I'm scared you won't like it. Besides, it's not just kissing someone, it's kissing the guy...that...well...*goes shy* It's like this; you've always wanted to be Captain America *realizes dumb metaphor but goes on* and suddenly they offer you wearing the real suit and OOOOOOOOOH, YOU CAN'T DO IT BECAUSE OH MY GOD IT'S WHAT YOU'V ALWAYS WANTED, YOU JUST DON'T DESERVE IT AND NONONONONO", so he just laughed and hugged me again. In the end I took like five minute, had to cover his eyes even when he had closed them, and I chickened out like ten times, then just gave him a quick peck....BUT I DID IT!

We just stayed there, staring to one another to the eyes, talking, sorting things out, cuddling a bit....I really can't dscribe it fully, but I swear...if I had a time machine, I wouldn't change anything, I wouldn't fix something...I'd just go back to that moment, and pause, and repeat, and repeat....I'll never get tired of that evening. We felt it was 5 minutes. We spent there around three hours.

I got home late. Now I'm grounded.

But...things are going at the rhythm they have to go between us. Thing is, it's amazingly fast; I dared to hug him by the neck, and dared to kiss him. We spent like an hour saying goodbye, and I found it hard to just go leave to the train home. Indeed, when I finally had guts to turn around, I had to start running; if I didn't, I'd just run back to hug him. And we actually kissed goodbye. I don't know you, but that, those little details, are HUGE for me. Really, HUGE. Like, it took me one month to do all that in my previous relationship...who knows. We're going fast, but slow at the same time.

We've promised to help one another with their respective fear. That same promise was made in my previous relationship; he said something like "Maybe if we try...your ghosts will fight mine, and, who knows, we'll heal". It melted me to hear that...but I ended up taking his ghosts joining mine instead of having them all destroyed. Now it was "If you get hurt, it'll be fault of any but me. I promise. I'll help you with your fears", and the reply, "I know you're scared, but I want to help you too...". Now, it was not just letting myself fall into the promises; it was taking them carefully, and promise back. This time, I felt it al more serious. I found a side of him I didn't know and who's always there, not hidden; the shy, scared Andy, that doesn't want to hurt, that's honest. And he told me he met more faces of me; the shy, the sad, the happy and the honest one. Dudes, I'm running out of words. What I know is, we're both having troubles making it public.

It's not been too long since he broke up with his girlfriend, and she still seems quite hurt about it. Worst is, that girl and I've become closer this semester since I tried to get her a ticket for a metal fest she wanted to go to (the fest was cancelled anyway). I've been in the same classes with her for these two years, except she's in the Dance area and I'm in music, but we have the 'normal' subjects together (math, biology, english...). He's finding it hard to make it public because he feels like a douchebag for breaking up with her, because he says people consider him disgusting after that (not really, I think he's exaggerating, but I guess there may be people who think he did wrong). I, on my part, am still a bit embarrassed everyday at school, for becoming "the ex of the popular guy", andso there was a scandal about us and such, where I'm not Me but 'that girl' of the scandal. We're both in awkward situations where people go dramatic over what we do or something, because we're both standing somewhere where pain was involved.

So we'll go slow when we go back to classes. Saddest thing ever; by June or July, he finishes high school. So he's got to leave to university and aosjdosifjoidgjdfig, you make out the rest

Uhm, so after that, I had to leave home, and I couldn't say bye, and I already narrated that so yeah, I'm outta here /O/

That's basically it. I, uhm....I'm in a relationship again, with the guy I had tagged as Impossible since always. Yup.

I ended up crying out of happiness again, because...well, you may know, life wasn't going good. Indeed, it hadn't gone as bad since middle school, and I felt drowned in misery. When he kissed me, I actually thought for a moment, that maybe life had gotten so bad, that a thousand other bad things had happened, but they were so huge for my brain to cope with that I fell in a comatose, and now I was dreaming since the school trip, beucase since the school trip, I certainly don't feel a single bit awake, but I know I am. But happening or not,I knew I was living it; the guy I always crushed on, the guy I admire in secret, and who gives me guts to actually study when I feel I'm useless at what I'm studying for how good he is at it, the guy I knew as Impossible....not just kissing me, but really kissing me. It's the softest, slowest, gentlest kiss I've received; indeed, I've considered it my first. First time somebody kisses me, not just "kisses me". 

And not only that, also going so nuts over just going out with me, that...I still can't explain it. I literally still can't believe it. And if I'm honest, I still think I'm sleeping; and I pray to the heavens to never wake up. Because I like this.

There was a point after I had given him the yes (I believe) that I started crying in happiness to him, and he asked why. I told him, and quote: "It's just that...when they told me 'Don't worry...it gets better', I didn't think it'd be this ridiculously great" and I wasn't lying. It's just. Shit had fallen down on me pretty badly. To the point I couldn't hide it and tended to just break down in tears randomly. On September the fifth, thrown down on the ground with my head on a friend's lap, he whispered "It's all going to be okay, I promise", and so many people told me so, and so did many of you. And I believed you, I always did. But you never mentioned how ridiculously great it would become. 

I knew the world would pay me somehow and give me better when it would be time and what I'd deserve. But Andy...he's far too much! I thought my payback from Life would take much longer, and even then it wouldn't be as great, and...wow, Andy. I mean, as in...Andy. Life didn't only pay back to me; it's given me a thousand times more than deserved, and a bonus or something. 

I told him that I couldn't believe this, because I had grown tired of all this shit and ended up wanting nothing. I had said I didn't want any other relationship until age 21 or something, when we all would grow up and realize relationship are serious stuff. And here I am. I told him that I couldn't believe it because...well, it was like I was pitch black, expecting and wanting nothing, and actually wanting to stay there, and suddenly having a sparkle of light telling you "Nope. Not your place" and pulling you out. I know it's dramatic and too soon to put it like this, but the only fact taht such a guy like him actually laid eyes on me...gave me terribly huge hopes, and that's great. It gave me reasons to have reasons to wake up in the mornings. I mean, I wasn't entirely bad, I had healed much more than I was past year, but you know what I mean.

So life lesson, little marbles and marblettes; when they tell you it gets better, never doubt it's true.

No matter how bad it gets, or how worse it gets, things turn out better in the end. Whatever happens, it has to...and it leads you to a whole new beginning where things go much better, and the way you deserve it, even when you feel it's too much...because you'll never be too little for anything life gives you. It's giving you so for a reason, after all.

Idunno09 can tell you is finding happiness in its pure context once again. I just hope things turn out find, and that this doesn't become like the previous stuff...wish me the bst of lucks, and daily pray to your God or no-God for this to turn out fine just once!  

I guess this must be an enourmous journal, I've been typing it for more than a day .-. So I'll leave it here.

I'm destroyed because of all the information on my computer, but...heh, something bad had to happen between all these good things going on for almost a month now non-stop!  

I'm seeing him on Wednesday. Hope I make it home on time now, though!

Have the greatest of weeks!

AND I HAD ONEFREAKINGAMAZINGADVENTUREANDOHMYGOD

Hello, guys! Pardon what I'm about to say, but I didn't miss internet much...because I was having such an amazing time I had no time to miss family, friends, internet, devA or home at all! It sounds harsh (and it kinda is), but I just couldn't help but being way too fascinated and into my school trip. If the other three were amazing (I have journals about them- a city, a place where we created rain [fuck yeah] and the past one, Xochicalco), this is like mixing the three of them in one and add it a bit more of sugar on top!

It was from Monday to Saturday, and heck, I'd never had a trip like that before. If anything, I had had to go out with friends for school stuff, but never actually spend a night with them, not to say 5 nights, 6 breakfasts, and even the damn hotel bed! AND IT WAS FREAKING AWESOMELIKEHELLOHMYGODICANBARELYCONTAINIT

I'll try to sum it all up as much as I can, so I'll have to leave some AWESOMESAUSTIC details out, so I'm sorry you can't share my same excitement and that I can't literally put in words not even a quarter of the awesomeness of the trip.

WARNING: Extremely long-ass journal, as I write what I did for a whole, entire week.

On Monday, a short day, we travelled for hours in the bus, and did biology work, and arrived to the hotel, where we had free hours to swim in the pool. I used to live by the sea before, so I was a swimmer for ten or eleven years of my life and even participated in official races and such until I moved far from the coast, and even though at first I still swam, I left it, and didn't get in a pool/lake/sea in like two years straight, AND SWIMMING AGAIN WAS LIKE ENTIRE MAGIC TO ME OHMYGODITWASSOGOOD I I I I ohgod, I adore the sensation of swimming, and I had forgotten just how much I love it. May re-take it now that I rediscovered it, I just need to find the time, probably on my senior year I'll have a more accesible schedule.

Then that same day we were taken to a hall in the hotel to stay at a presentation of Huapangos and Sones (mexican folkloric music), which were played by three kind gentlemen that are quite talented! Here, have a Huapango if you want: 


WOAH, SINCE WHEN DOES THE WHOLE PICTURE APPEAR INSTEAD OF JUST THE LINK!? I WAS GONE JUST A WEEK OHMYGOD, DO YOU SEE THIS, IT'S AWESOME, OHMY.

Then on Tuesday, we, uh...we went to this AMAZING and HUUUUUUGE park (which felt more like a forest) where we had a walk, AND IT WAS FREAKING EPIC DUDE I ADORE ASJFDIEJGOFJ I SERIOUSLY LOVE WALKING THROUGH FORESTS AND THIS KINDA PARKS THAT ARE SO BIG AND HAVE HUGE TREES AND CASCADES AND LAKES AND SPRINGS AND BUSHES ANDOHMYGOD IADOREEXPLIRINGSERIOUSLYJUSTOHMYGOD.

And there was this BEAAAAAAAUUUUUUTIFUL spring there (the deepest part was 30 meters under the surface! ), and after more long, agonizing biology work, we were allowed in the water, at first just for more biology work. As it had to do with having to stay still, and there were lots of fish, I had a problem; I'm kinda...white, as in...a bit more than the average here () and fish, well...when they see something sparkling (due to the sunlight on me) or something different, they go and think it's food, so...well, around twenty fish bit me.

Then we had a lot of time to just play around the spring AND I HAD SO MUCH FUN IT'S RIDICULOUS. I don't really like to show off my body, reason of why I don't wear shorts or skirts (and if I do I wear something underneath), and never take off hoodies unless I can't stand it, so I was very scared form thef irst day, but if I like something of my classmates is that they've been helping me from the mere exams for the school without even knowing; because most of them don't judge.

So I was less scared of wearing my swimsuit, but I still wore one of those athletic shirts or whatever they are for swimming; I've started with showing the legs, but I'm just not prepared to show the tummy. But I had lots, lots of fun like you have no idea, I think it's one of the best experiences I've had. We swam a lot, had fun, played, and such. There was this funny part where, ohmy, I was blown away There was a bridge and water flowed much stronger there, but it was subtle so one didn't notice unless one got closer. So we played lots there as you can picture, and then, a friend and I (his name's Ivan, and we've become ten times closer thanks to the trip [sharing bus, main reason]) were playing with more classmates on not letting the water carry us away, but after many attempted against us, we had lots of laughter falling around, gripping one another to save ourselves, and we ended up ridiculously hugged being pushed away by water and got lost for a second.

After an hour or such of travelling, we arrived to Concá. Some classmates from other generations had warned us about the heat in that place, and even though most of us were prepared, it was ridiculous. Getting off the bus (which had frozen air [it almost spat ice blocks, I swear]), as soon as you took one step outside, it was like you had walked into a wall made of lava. At first, I lost the breath and almost went back into the bus at how ridiculously hot it was, but I soon got used to it. Greatest news; I was dressed entirely in black! Even with leather boots…Good thing is, I'm totally used to heat due to have lived in a very hot place for more than half my life, so people were dying and suffering, while I, all in black, was like "Man, it's kinda warm". One thing is for sure, the thing people talked to me the most for was to ask "My god, AREN'T YOU HOT!?" and gave me odd looks ;n;

We visited a church there due to my history class, AND I'VE NEVER ENJOYED VISITING A CHURCH AS MUCH AS I DID. Thanks to my teacher, we can now read the whole, entire structure. I never though I'd say this BUT I WANNA GO TO EVERY BAROQUE CHURCH I FIND AND READ IT AND EXPLORE IT NOW THAT I KNOW WHAT I CAN SEE APSJFDOIJIOJOERIFG. Then more walking, biology stuff...

Then we visited the Millenary Tree. I enjoyed touched the tree and watching it, but for shocked I was by its beauty and the joy it brought, I couldn’t feel entirely happy. There was something in the tree that literally made me go mute; I tried to talk with a friend about it, but I just couldn’t talk.

When I got to speak up, I shared like three or four lines with my friend…and I broke down in tears. I have no idea how, why or when, I just know that after expressing what the tree made me feel, I felt terrible. I felt guilty, like I had murdered thousands of people, like I had chopped down every single tree of the planet, and I also felt hurt. I felt like the tree suffered, or had suffered. And I couldn’t stand it; more than joy, the place brought me to pain. I cried to it and just hugged the tree, asking for forgiveness when I hadn’t done a single thing. But I also felt the beauty of it. Too much to explain here. 

Then uh, we were late for another church, so straight to the hotel, an hour or two for fun in the pool, then dinner, then bed. 

Then on Wednesday we, uh, summing up... we went to another church, enjoyed it, did a massive project in fifteen minutes (all together, the threatre guys, the visual arts ones, the dance ones and us, the music guys), walked around the place, biology work, bus, another church, then if my memory serves me right, we went to the, uh, to kinda like OH I REMEMBER, then we had free time after that last church, and we walked around that town (people from this kinda towns are SO damn kind! Totally a new experience from walking around the city!), and I bought a corn () and uh, I had lots of laughter with my friends, and and and and I don't remember what was next or how we arrived there, but we then returned somewhere around the hotel and went to the church we couldn't go to the secon dday and itwasfreakingepic.

Then we had time for ourselves again, and it got dark by then. Being free, with no homework, and with permission to go explore town, it was beautiful! I was with two friends; Maria, and, let's call her, Anna...Anna is, wow, apsjfdioejoeifjs. She's in music too, but in the other classroom (the one with my ex and where my best friend used to be), and she's in the specific of piano. And she's...She's extremely talented (an ability for piano that-wow, and such a passion and talent for literature that, ohmygod), and she's extremely gorgeous, and what I adore the most, is she's humble and modest like fuck. Like, many gorgeous girls brought their bikini to swim and that's okay, they have the right to brag about what they have. But Anna, who has a beautiful body, doesn't really show it off, and dresses in some kind of...folkloric-modern young style and ohmygod. 

And she's extremely, extremely kind and gentle and such, and she's like me in the sense of enjoying more walking through a city with two friends than going partying or drinking with a mass of thirty people. I bought an ice-cream, and was company for Maria and Anna when they went take dinner at a taco stand, and we explored around a bit more, then returned to the hotel, dinner, and such. 
I rmeember how we got to explore town! We went, first, to a dam. ITWASFREAKINGEPIC.

The walk there was fantastic, and so epic, and ohmygod, then the guys from theatre did their presentations, one team around a fire, AND IT WAS AWESOME BECAUSE THEY WERE TELLING US LEGENDS FROM THE PLACE ANDOHMYGODITWASSCARYLIKEFUCK. Then the other guys did their stuff, and we could admire around AND AIOJDFROREIRJHROIJSDSKFJFH.

Then that of walking around freely then we got back to the hotel, dinner, and then we had a meeting with teachers. They were FASCINATED with us. They admitted to have expected chaos, disaster, and something terrible. Turns out, we behaved SO greatly not even us could explain why;; it was just, it was born from the heart. Like we didn't even have the intention of behaving bad, we were like elementary school children with activities of college students, being in high school ourselves. They told us what we'd be doing the following day, and congratulated us on how we were behaving, then we were off to sleep.

Then on Thursday, summing up again, we went to this HUUUUUUUUUUUGE forest again, except this was much more leafy, bigger, and had apsjdfoijorsdjf, ohmygod it was epic, it was like literally getting lost in old, lost woods, or a jungle or something. I was with Anna and just Anna herself...like Ivan, Anna and I became a thousand times closer during this trip. I really adore both of them. We explored all by ourselves, as it was a free time so anyone could go anywhere as long as we were back in the entrance by certain hour. What I adored from my classmates is that we all stayed quiet and still following the teachers, until they noticed and laughed at us. We were like,  what thehell, and they were like "Guys, why're you waiting for instructions? This place is all for you to explore in freedom!", and we happily left. I mean, high school art students...first expectation is they'd run around as soon as they got in and be rebel like always, when we're just a bunch of slightly nerdy, innocent kids.

Then uhm, after food we got on the bus, and off to a seven-hour trip! We had gone all the way up on the Sierra Gorda, so now we had to go down ALLLLLL the way down the WHOOOOLE mountain rage, take even mooore hours in the freeway, then finally arrive to our final destination, Querétaro! Actually, the seven hour way felt like onl four due to the wonderful company I had in the bus; Ivan, Anna, and another friend, Mariana, another quiet, quiet, shy, kind girl from piano, that still knows how to have loud laughter and lots of fun.

We had lots of laughter in the bus, a lot of conversations, and as I like to speak in english, I went cursing everything and saying senseless stuff, without noticing Anna was translating and that's why my friends were laughing. Then, uh, ohman, then I just listened to some music while Anna, Ivan and Mariana had fun with the rest of the bus (the only day and road where they were loud singing and a bit of partying) so as I enjoy  more of silence, or better said, stay by my side for selfish that may be, I put my headphones on and started reading. I finished a book during the week and started another one; The Oksa Pollock series. It's a great, fantastic story! Fantastic as in, literally. They say it's like Harry Potter's French little sister.

But then a song popped in, and I like that song for many reasons, one of them being that it inspired a whooooole scene for the book series I'm planning to do, so I adore to close my eyes and imagine the whole thing, so I did. I just didn't count I'd fall asleep...and, well, it was symphonic metal blasting in my ears, which I try to take care of, so I was asleep with loud drumming and guitars torturing my poor ear, without  me even noticing until I woke up due to a guitar solo. I adore having music blasting in my ears that way, but I try not to do it, because I want to take care of my ear.

Then we went to take dinner, and I was with Maria, Ivan, Anna, Paul, and Mariana, my fantastic history teacher with us, and some other guys and girls with tacos and sandwiches (uhmm...mexican torta?) for dinner. Then straight to the hotel, which was waaaaaaaay better than the past two. The other two were extremely pretty and comfortable and had great service, but this other hotel was in city, not town, so we were like .____. seeing it because...well, we knew it had been expensive for us to pay the school for the trip, but seeing what they wasted the money in was awesome...like, we thought they'd of keep half of the money () and waste the less possible, but they brought us to this luxurious hotel and such. Well, it was not golden plates and people at your feet, but it was still amazing.

Then on Friday, we OHMYGOD, WE IAOJDFSRJGEOFJ, the guys from the music specific went to the Luthiers School of Querétaro! Can you believe it!? We were in the only Luthiers school of the whole country, and the best of all of Latin America! They received us sooooooooooooooo greatly and kindly, and we saw how they make the instruments, and we learned lots of stuff! Can you believe they tune the wood!? WHAT THE HELL!? And man, it sure is hard to get in the school! They told us that past year, there were like 21 or 20 people wanting to go in, and only 6 were accepted. This of music business is extremely hard...music as an art, is way harder...and the making of the making of musicians, meaning the makers of the instruments, are way more complicated! They don't just scratch wood until they make a violin; they have lots of classes, from biology, to a specific class about wood and trees, physics even, english, sol-fa, having to learn to play violin, cello or viola, and so on. Physics and biology are strongly taken there.

My biggest respects for luthiers!

Then we went to visit the school from Querétaro there! I mean, as in...uhm, the art academy (?) I belong to has thirty or twelve different schools around the country, three of them where I live, then one where we went to, Querétaro. At first all of us were shy; it felt like we were walking into our usual school, it felt like home, literally. But we were too shy and so were they. The principal received us really kindly, and then we started making friends with them. I swear...I can tell you all about it, express myself, write a whole book of what it is and how it feels, but I'll sitll never make anyone that's not from my school understand the magic, the...the uniqueness of belonging to my school, if I'm allowed to brag about it.

More than a school, we're a family, teachers included. So our relationship with the guys of the school we visited was more than just visiting a school; it was exactly, exactly like when you visit your cousins, aunts and uncles and the rest of the family that you haven't seen in twenty ages or your whole life, and you just can't feel the love for them, the friendship, the bonds.

Our visit there's too much to explain there, so I'll leave it like; they have FAR BETTER buildings than us, and actually material to work with. While we fight to get an amplifier, they have a whole storage of trumpets, flutes, guitars, basses, and like 15 pianos. The guys from second grade (the same year than us) from music, are a thousand, a million times better than we've gotten to be. And I'm ashamed. They played for us some songs, and they are so, so ridiculously good, we felt stupid, talentless, ashamed and disappointed of ourselves. We danced, sang, mosh-pit'ed, and enjoyed  of it like never before during a gig, but inside us, was that thorn of disappointment for ourselves.

But we've also taken them as motivation...we'll become as good as them, you'll see!

We made great friends there and such, it was magic, but I won't go into details as this journal's becoming huge. And there was this flute guy...Iwannamarryhim. No, but seriously, I have a passion for air instruments...I have a damn adoration for saxophones, ocarinas, and AND DAMN TRUMPETS  AND DAMN FLUUUUTES! Hearing to that guy was an eargasm, a total eargasm I can't cope with. And it was also a reafirmation for me: I want to play the flute. I'm "professionally" studying for guitar, but I want to become a flautist too, even if not professssionally.

Then we had to leave, and we went to eat and such, AND THEN SOME FRIENDS AND I WENT TO THIS FRIKI SHOP IT WAS AWESOME THEY HAD SO MUCH ANIME AND SO ON OHMYGOD, I SAW A TSUBASA CHRONICLES POSTER-THING SO HUGE AND OHMYGOD IADORETHATSERIESSOMUCHICAN'TCOPEWITH IT AND I SAW A MOKONA NECKLACE AND THE SYMBOL OF TSUBASA AND I SAW KERO AND SCC'S PENDANT AND SO MUCH ANIMES AND SERIES AND I SAW DAMN UMBRELLA ACADEMY FIRST BOOK IN DAMN SPANIIIIISH! I bought nothing though But a friend gifted me a Zelda poster!

We had lots of free time for ourselves; we went walking around, then we met some of the other-school guys (who we told about our free time at the center of town so they went there to spend a while with us) and even though I adored spending time with them (the music guys are awesome!), I still prefer fewer company. Luckily, there was this girl around (my school, visual arts) who is the same, so we were off to search for a library just her and I. I got to know her more and we spent like an hour and half just looking at books and talking about it, we walked around city, got lost, I bought lemonade, found the track again, spent a while seeing around, then met again with school.

They took us to a performance. It....I'm speechless. I'd tell you about it, but it was literally so good, so fantastic, so hallucinating, so greatly done, and so deep I just...can't. I can't tell you...it was...wow. Pure art.

Then we went take dinner, it was freaking awesome, then we left to the hotel. I took a shower, and fell dead as soon as I touched the bed.

Took breakfast on Saturday, our last day, and then I knew about it. Last night of our trip, people do stupid stuff. We had been behiaving extremely good, and the rotten part of the generation had to go and ruin it. Some were drinking, some brought some of the other-school guys to their rooms (I think one of them had a girl to, y'know, lack of sleep...), and some were, for ashamed I am of admitting it, with drugs. I mean, if you wanna get drunk with friends, fuck or get high, we have EVERYDAY of our lives to do it...why exactly in a scholar trip? What's that unconscious mania of wanting to screw up? 

I didn't even have an idea there had been troubles until they told me in the morning. Then we were all denied any other activity due to that, so we lost the BEST of the churches we were going too...I'm so, so sad about it, even today, you don't have an idea. I wanted to go. So we just packed, got on the buses, and straight back home. Once there, we had a meeting with teachers so they'd chide us, despite it being just a few people who did bad stuff.

I dropped a tear during the meeting, and I knew I had more to drop, because I felt bad. I felt like when the tree; I did nothing but be innocent, but I still felt pain and guilt. I feel terribly, sickeningly bad for teachers; we had their entire trust, and we betrayed it. They feel very hurt about it, and so there were troubles, but y'know what I like? That most of the guys and girls who did bad stuff are getting expelled.

I don't know who they were (I have an idea, though), but I adore every guy and girl from my generation. I seriously adore them, but...but why keep something that will just fuck up? Something that has no way of getting fixed? So for harsh it is, I like that they get what they deserve...taht way, they won't get in our way and cause troubles in our next trip, a two week trip to the south, but that's a whole new thing.

So that was basically my week. I picked lots of rocks in the way.

I'm sorry for writting so much, and on the opposite, for not writting until now, the night of Sunday and the morning of Monday for most of you! I was SO tired on Saturday I fell dead on my bed, and today was spent doing homework, so I just wrote until now.

I had the time of my life, and I noticed I adore my classmates, and mainly, my school more than I've adored anything before! God/Zeus/Saradomin/Billie Joe bless my school! 

How was your week? Waht did I miss? You all okay?

Thanks for reading me!

Hello, little marbles.

As you may know, my school makes us go in a scholar trip once per semester; at first, at fifteen minutes from school, then at two hours, then at four...now I'll spend six hours sat at the bus, going straight off into one of the two most wished, loved, desired and magical trips school offers us; Sierra Gorda (Fat Mountain Rage (?) )

We'll be away from Monday to Saturday's night. AND IT WILL BE FUCKING AWESOME.

This is, after Mayan Route next semester, one of the two things every student of the school waits for with more eager than anything else. Not only are we going in a week trip away of the routine with all the generation and all of our friends and share hotel rooms and do stuff together, it also means to things:

1) we have our History teacher going with us, and discovering things with him is...a blessing, in its purest, biggest context. You may go to Sierra Gorda by yourself and have the greatest of times, but excuse me, you won't have the huge knowledge of my history teacher with you. With him, EVERYTHING takes a whole new, different color, level, and magic.

2) IT'S MEXICO, MOTHERFUCKERS. We may be lots of bad stuff and such, but we have a damn ecosystem that- and ohmygod, such a damn culture and history that many countries would die for and- ohmygod. I swear, every day that passes just makes me love more and more my country. ;U; But seriously, Mexico's ecosystem...wow, you don't have an idea. If I get Maria to help me get photographs (I have no way of taking pictures on my own), I might show you a bit of what we see...but it'll never be as great as something live.

So we'll be going to swim to a fountain spring, to walk through a forest, and we'll go to towns to see the history of the places, AND A LOT OF CHURCHES AND OHMYGOD IT'S FIRST TIME I ACTUALLY WANT TO GO TO CHURCH. Seriously, architecture is a whole universe I like to admire, and churches (at least here) are masterpieces of architecture, and even better than that, my history teacher will be with us! Going ANYWHERE with him is a whole new level; I may like to admire a church, but I just go in, look, leave. But with my teacher... you want to scream and stay there forever so he can explain everything. Even the smallest of dots on the walls has its meaning...I WISH YOU COULD HAVE A CLASS WITH HIM!

I don't have much clothes for the trip. o/////o They had to buy me some jeans because I didn't have .__. Woh, I think I should accept to go shopping sometimes. There's just one thing I'm ashamed of; all my clothes are black...and it's going to be WAY HOTTER than here where I live! I'm gonna die, so it was a pleasure ;U;

So it'll be a magical week of magical magicness, though I won't be able to write a thing; I've been focusing on original stuff than fanfictions, and in a fun project: "Musicians Chronicles: The Sax, the Piano and the Violin", a fictional story of a Friday with my classmates and I as the main characters. It'll be sad not being able to write, but it's okay, I'll have a time of my life with my classmates.  

If the trips of a day were EPIC, I can't picture this one of a whole week! And next semester, two weeks in an even MORE magical place!

I'll miss you all, guys. I know most of us don't really talk much, but I'll miss you somehow. I'll have no internet, so I'll read you by next Sunday.

The bus leaves by 7 a.m., so I'll have to be there early at 6 am. I'll have to wake up at three or four! ;n; But it'll be worth it. Sweet Daniel told me he'd go tell us goodbye, even if that means waking up an hour before; don't tell him, but I think I'm gonna miss that dumb-head.

Maria and I were supposed to be sharing a room; school moved me to another room with a girl I don't know and a classmate from violin. Ah, could be worse! but I really wanted to be with Maria

What else, what else...? 

Anyway, I'm very excited but nervous! Wish me well! Farewell, I'll see you in a week, little marbles and marblettes. Feel free to note me or message me if you want, but be patient till I return. Ow man, I'll miss my dog, and mah parents, and even my brother, why  not? And my 'godfather' from school, this senior guy, and uhm, and my five friends from first grade; let's call them Jay, Daniel (yush, the usual Daniel), and Uzi, and uh, the spanish-like guy, and the talented guy dude. <3 

I just KNOW I'm forgetting something.

Anyway, so I'll leave you guys a week. I can count you'll be alright a week, yah? Don't wanna come back on Sunday and see some of you got sad or sick or something.


See you on Sunday! 

I'm so nervous!