I've cried a lot. My eyes burn me, and I still can't look at the suit I wore that day without crying once again; my best friend died, how would I not cry? He was really special for me. He always was there for you when you needed him, even if it was something stupid. And if he couldn't make you smile, he could always cry at your side. He was so gentle with everything, even when he was sometimes a diva. He used to draw really well, comic stile. I always loved to see his works, and he was always smiling.
But of course, a random asshole had to be drinking their whole night, before driving like crazy. My best friend had the misfortune to be crossing a street when a drunken person was driving at a high, high speed towards him; that was always his weakness. When he was in danger or if he saw any danger, he would always freeze. That time, however, was different, and the people who saw the accident swore he tried to move at a side, but it was way too late; the bastard had to be driving faster than his car would go, hell, who knows.
I can still remember when they told me about his death. Everything I did was collapsing on the floor, tears rolling down my face. His pale skin, his hazel eyes, his raven black hair; how could someone destroy all of those great things? But what broke me more, was seeing his family. His brother was crying more than I thought someone could cry. He got even skinnier while the days passed, he always had his eyes red, he skipped school
He was not right. But I couldn't blame him, I was half of depressed than he was. But he was so depressed, than in a fear attack I thought he could kill himself.
I got in the house, the parents of my best friend, who I hoped was resting in peace, looking completely sad, stressed. I wondered what it would feel like to lose a son. Just by thinking that, the tears formed in my eyes; he couldn't be gone. He just couldn't. I tried to ignore that feeling, and be strong for his brother. After closing the door and after his parents let me go to the roof, I thanked them, and walked towards there.
As I was on the roof, I could only stare the floor, with a sigh, my eyes drowned in sadness as well as my whole soul. I saw him, his back; he was hugging his knees, while staring at the dark sky, covered by thousands and thousands of stars, the half-moon between them, the silence of the night being filled by a simple cricket somewhere. I walked towards my friend, who wasn't crying but still was quieter than he used to be.
I stopped when I was behind him, some steps separating me from him, when he moved his shoulders slightly, almost an unnoticeable feeling.
"I miss him" he said in a broken voice, as broken as shattered glass, knowing I was there; he knew my steps way too well.
"I know. Me too" I whispered, before I continued walking until I sat at his side, my legs on the air, since we were by the edge of the roof, though he was still hugging his knees, his eyes drowned in mixed feelings and tears; sorrow. Pain. Sadness. Depression.
"Gerard was more than a brother. He was like my father, my best friend, just my brother
he was almost everything for me, a whole universe" Mikey whispered, his gaze lost on the stars above, while I looked down at his feet, back at his face, but ended up staring down. However, I let him talk; he needed to talk. "He was
He is special, he can't be gone
" he said again, before a tear rolled down his cheek.
I got slightly closer, and we stayed in a long, long silence, just staring the stars. He sobbed once, and cleaned the tears on his face.
when we shared a room
Dad used to go in at nights and
he used to take a book
And read us a story, a story we both loved
when Gerard was better at reading
He read it to me
when we grew up with different rooms
He anyway used to go to my room or I to his
and he read me that story
It talked about uh
Some prince who
Who lost his father, but
But they tell him he is now a star, always looking at him, even if he doesn't notice it
and that his father would listen to him at nights, when he is shining on the sky
" He told me, while I listened to him carefully, just being a good friend for him, strong, because he needed some protection and strength at his side; he was strong physically. But his heart was always fragile.
I gave a small nod, before Mikey cleaned more of his tears. "Do you think
Gerard is up there? I know that it was just a story of a child's book
I want to believe it, instead of 'reality'. Do you think he is a star now?" he asked, softly, being completely serious about his words, and though he was crying with not stop, he wasn't shaking, nor sobbing loudly; tears just rolled down his cheeks quickly. I got slightly closer once again, before I wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
"I'm sure he is a star. Do you see that one?" I asked, pointing at one of the thousands of stars above. He nodded. "It's right above us. And it's the shiniest one I can see; I'm sure that star is Gerard right now, looking over you, smiling" I said, smiling warmly though I was on the edge of breaking down in tears.
It was then when he rested his head on my shoulder, still hugging his knees, while his gaze locked on that star above us.
"There was a lot he wanted to do
and a lot I wanted to share with him
" he whispered, staring the floor instead of the star. "I want him back, Frankie" he told me, closing his eyes.
but there's a lot we can do for him" I said, looking at more of the stars; were all of those stars people one day? Then I looked back at Mikey, though he still had his eyes closed, hidden behind his glasses. "Like live for him
be happy, and let him know that whatever goals we get
are for him" I said, pulling Mikey closer. "I know he's looking at us. Maybe he will even talk to us someday or give us signals, but he is not away. He's and will always be there for you" I said, smiling for my lanky, taller friend.
I kept on looking at other stars, wondering if they all were looking at someone. He looked up at Gerard's star, making me look at it too. I could have sworn it was my imagination or something, but the star suddenly shined harder, a brighter colour on it, but it was for a second only, almost like Gerard had winked at his little brother. I got more confused, because Mikey looked at it with a surprised expression, more like he knew what that 'wink' meant. After some seconds, he stared the floor, just getting in another silence.
"Frankie" he called, getting his head off my shoulder. I looked at him, just to see him looking at me still with sadness, but with tenderness at the same time, before he placed a hand on my right cheek, slowly. I closed my eyes at his touch; everything was so hard at the moment, that everything I wanted was too feel his hand against my cheek.
However, his lips soon found themselves against mine, softly, as if he were afraid of breaking them, while I felt warmness running through my body and my cold soul, filling me with tenderness in that kiss Mikey gave me. Once away, he rested his head on my shoulder again.
"I love you, and thank you" he whispered, closing his eyes and hugging his knees once again.
"I love you too" I whispered, while my gaze got lost in Gerard's star again.
Everything I could do was giving five words to my best friend.
'I miss you. Thank you'