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About Literature / Hobbyist Member YolaFemale/Mexico Groups :iconbob-bryar-fans: Bob-Bryar-Fans
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I was tagged by Murderous-Coffeebean to the shuffle meme, so here it goes.

1.- Sick Little Games - All Time Low
2.- Feria de Chilpancingo - Mexican Folk song
3.- Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
4.- Always - Blink 182
5.- Emerald Sword - Rhapsody of Fire
6.- A House Divided - Megadeth
7.- King For A Day - Green Day
8.- And I Love Her - The Beatles
9.- Legend of Zelda Main Theme (Metal cover)
10.- Fairytale - Alexander Rybak.

I'm guessing it's ten songs? I forgot! But there it is :aww:

Now two rants!

On the worst of news; mi guitar is broken. Her name is Maria (due to the two girls I've crushed on the hardest until now [one whose middle name is actually Maria, and the other is more like Marianne], plus the fact that it's a name that reminds me lots, lots, lots of Mexico, the place I adore the most, so). 
She's...god. A galaxy in my universe. She means more to me than some of my acquaintances, in the knowledge that she's the one I started with in my musical studies. She actually belongs to my brother, but he hasn't used it in five or so years, so I've taken it for school as they can't buy me my own. 
She's become mine in some way.
She...is the one I learned with. The only one I've played. The one I was with in my first classical-guitar presentations (along André). My school mate; my partner in the path of my life, literally.

And now she's broken.

She was already injured, quite badly, but she still roared and souded soft. I took it with me on Thursday for rehearsal with the guys in the band (my classmates :lmao:), so I left it in the classroom while I went get some food at lunch. I didn't know there'd be people in the classroom when at recess; we're not even allowed to so. So I guess someone, accidentally, must have dropped it, then placed it back on its place for me not to notice. Because when I took it out...

She was already broken. Like, man. 

If I'm honest to you, I'm terribly, horribly brokenhearted right now. 

As soon as I can, I'm gonna go get it fixed, but...they are surely gonna patch many parts of it, if not all the wood for the sides. So it's not gonna be the same. She's not gonna be the same way she came to the world, on June 16, 2006. My Maria has died; still can come to life, but not the same way. I'm...god. God, why her?

I'm sorry if I'm too dramatic over a guitar, but...I don't think someone can understand the connection between me and my first, only guitar, for whom I've taken my first steps in what I'm becoming in life. She's, somehow, made me. And the duet with André on one guitar...was with her </3

But, anyway. I'll heal from that. 

Like I've healed from a year ago. :) September the fifth, guys; today is a year since the guy before André broke up with me. and I FEEL INCREDIBLY GREAT! :la:

I'm not happy for not having him in my life anymore. I'm happy because it doesn't hurt anymore.
I forgave him as soon as he did what he did, after the cheating, after everything. A year ago, I'd already lost everything; he was the only thing I had. Then, with a last slap, he left as well. That's why I was so drowned in misery that time; I felt used, betrayed, and plain unloved.

Today, I'm feeling great. Because it doesn't hurt; because, after some months, he understood my petition and has come back to be my friend. He's the one getting close now, playful and friendly, as if trying to fix what I had already forgiven. I can look at him to the eyes, without feeling the heart paining or that awful need to throw up; I can laugh at him and with him, without needing to fall as his feet, crying; I can now look at him and his new girlfriend, and smile. And ignore. Ignore with nothing getting twisted inside me.

Today, I thanked all the people who helped me a year ago; only one knew why I got close, screamed "Thank you! It's September the fifth!" and hugged them. The rest just said "You're welcome..but...what did I do?". I just thanked them without tellng them why, and hugged them like I'd never done.

The girl who first insisted on me if I was okay, knowing I lied when I smiled, until she had me hugged, crying; the girl who saw the tears, and cared for me; the guys who carried my backpack and guitar out of school and tried their best to make me laugh that day; the guy who hugged me and needed no explanation (not needing to know the oh so known rumor to just know I needed the hug); the guy who listened, at a side of the girl who held my hand; all the people who hugged and comforted me. Of course, the guy who didn't know me, and still hugged me screaming "Please, don't cry!", to later on become a deep close friend of mine; Daniel. :aww:

I hugged them all. Because it wasn't until this school that somebody actually cared and got worried when seeing I was crying; it's the first place I've been at where they actually hugged the pain away, even if it came back. Thanks to them, thanks to myself, and thanks to André...it doesn't hurt today. :heart: If none of them had had been there, man, I'd be sad today from the memories and all; today, I take them with lots of joy :aww:

They told me lots of stuff; "You're gonna be okay", "Every relationship is a gift, whatever way it ends", "Karma pays". Believed in them all; didn't think it'd be this ridiculously HUGE.

When they told me I'd be okay, I didn't think I'd actually be this alright; I still have wounds to heal (from other things, not necessarily from this guy), but he doesn't ache on me anymore. I had a lot of fun with him, even if it had to end that way. But it was a good relationship for as long as it lasted, I guess. Just not what I needed; not what was meant for me.

Then André appeared. And things are going incredibly good between us. :aww:

I've found outs things of his past that hurt me, not for what he's done that could hit me, but merely for who he used to be. Have you had that sensation? It's when someone you appreciate has a good present, is a good person, and heads for a great future...but was a bad person in their past, that it just merely hurts to look at who they used to be. Have you felt it? It's strange.

I'm fearful everyday that he's still that bad, and actually disgusting person he used to be even back at February; that he's going to do the same to me, that this, that something, that whatever. But it's like I once wrote on Facebook...he's like raising a tiger. Everybody's expecting him to fail; at least some of my acquaintances and even a close friend of mine keep their eyes on him, waiting for that moment in which he finally hits me. Because they know who he was, and the pain he caused in his recent past. When I'm with him in public, they may give us the odd looks; seeing a girl with a tiger on the street, laughing, caressing his hair. Like they know he'll just eat me when they stare away. But I still go on; because he hasn't bitten me. But they're right when they say you never know if he's truly changed; but it's a matter of putting my hand in his mouth, and expect for him not to bite. Even when hungry.

I may be doing stupidities; but I trust in him. I did the same on my previous relationship, and the previous one to that one, and both ended terribly wrong for me. But I still go on, putting my trust on him now. Because now it's not just "I've got a boyfriend, I'll trust him". It's an actual...I've seen him, heard him, and witnessed him doing or saying stuff that actually shows he cares. He's cried to me, honest stuff. Sometimes, for the way he acts, I doubt a bit; but it's merely my paranoia. Or so I hope.

If he's lying, he's got to be the best liar in history. Because I can't see the mistake in him just yet.

Please, hope along me it goes just fine this one time. Because if I'm honest, I've never felt this way before; and I don't know what I'll do if things are going/suddenly go wrong. I may lose...even more than a year ago.
I trust in him. He's been really good to me; we've had downs as well, but we've actually fixed it. And he's...gah, don't know. He's done things nobody's done for me before. 

OH! Talking about him, I saw him today, a year ago! And he hurt me! :dummy:

You see, I've crushed on him for two years now (don'tjudgemehe'shandsomeandfriendly), so today a year ago, when my ex broke me up, I walked out of school made a terrible mess; worst of auras, messy hair, and my tiny figure loaded with both a guitar and a full backpack, and now that I was away of my classmates, I was crying so hard I just had notion of where I was walking by but couldn't entirely see where I was, and my whole face and neck were damp. I wa heading towards the train station, and midway there (from a 10-minutes walk), I looked up and saw him. Hugging his girlfriend. Laughing with her. 

First thing that came to me was "God, please, no...", like he was actually my boyfriend and I had caught him. I swear, I felt the heart getting crushed so much, that in that moment I knew I still liked him even when he didn't talk shit; I felt it so crushed down, that I felt confused on why a stranger caused on me such effect. I had had the worst day ever; and then I saw my platonic love with his girlfriend sharing what I though I'd never have again in years and decades. It was like the world was telling me "This is a reminder you won't get any romance, deary".

I had to stare away, and walk past them quickly for them not to notice my tears. I had no idea what I'd do if they went "Oh, hey, Yola!", because I'm too soft-hearted to ignore people. If they had seen me crying...if I had seen him to the eyes that day, I'd have merely fallen at his feet, crying a thousand times harder, and pleading for him to do something, even when back then we were just a guy who knew this girl. 

...destiny, someone? 

God, I hate destiny; IT'S FUCKING RIGHT AND ACTUALLY EXISTS :nuu:

But I've talked too much, huh?

I swear I'm trying to work on The Cat Duet and other stories (if somebody cares :lmao:), but school's gone HARDCORE LEGEND MODE. :iconsuperw00tplz:

Have the greatest of weekends, and one last thing:

THANK YOOOOUUUU!!!! To all those of you who read me a moping a year ago! For all the support through this. THANK YOU! :tighthug::heart:

Bye! :blowkiss:
  • Mood: Delighted
  • Listening to: New World Symphony - Antonin Dvorak

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Idunno09's Profile Picture
Idunno09
Yola
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
Mexico
Hello :aww:

Here's a bit about me:

:bulletblack: Seventeen.
:bulletblack: Pansexual.
:bulletblack: Short.
:bulletblack: Amateur author
:bulletblack: Student of music.


My real birthday is January 11. Not January 23.

But if you come here in 23 to wish me a happy birthday, I don't mind. It's a mistake I did when I joined deviantArt.


Requests are always opened: feel free to ask!
Feedback is really appreciated too :aww:


:bulletred: My friends here in devA :bulletred:

My first friends: :iconsisterofgrace::iconmotleyprincess::iconpoisonkiss13666::iconburningsun95::iconmiharumatsuo::iconnattie-bug::iconcanadian-muffin::iconcivicusdreamer:
My Taco friend: :iconcacuga:
My (internet) big sister: :iconllamasaysquack:
My Billierard Buddy::icon2d-kiryu:
My Bike buddy: :iconsalty-runner:
A really unique person: :iconpampd:
Seems to be that I'm married: :icongirlofhearts:
My grandkid (on the internet): :iconmissmusicchanel:

I guess that's me. If you want to know anything else (Which I highly doubt) feel free to ask :meow:


Current Residence: Mexico
Favourite genre of music: Alternative / Punk/ Rock
Personal Quote: "I'd rather perish beside a friend, than go on without them"
Interests

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:iconcacuga:
CACUGA Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Student
Hey............... :blush:

How are you? :)
Reply
:iconidunno09:
Idunno09 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
CAAAACUUU-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! :iconluvluvplz::iconkittyglompplz:

I'm doing excellent! Just going back to school on Monday! What about you!? :iconglomplz:

I'VEMISSEDYOUSOMUCH.
Reply
:iconcacuga:
CACUGA Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Student
:iconbrohugplz::iconeunhaehugplz::iconbrohugplz:

I'm so happy to hear that! :icongawwplz: :highfive: Have a great school year and you know I always support you! :iconthatsrightplz:
Me too!:happybounce:

I'm doing great, thanks! 

OMGMETOOSORRYFORNOTBEINGACTIVEINDALATELYBUTIALWAYSSEEYOURWORK. :iconaawplz:
Reply
:iconidunno09:
Idunno09 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You too have a great school year! Off to our last one...scary, but exciting! :squee: Do your best this year, okay? :huggle:

It's good to know that! :hug: We should definitely hang out soon somewhere andenjoysometacos or something :la: OR GO FOR POCKYS, OMFG, POCKYS.

That's okay! I hope you stay active, though, eve if just a drawing per month or something, but don't disappear again! :tighthug:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondookiegirl:
DookieGirl Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  New member Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You are one of those DA members,which I picked for the Amazing people folder at my favourites!
And sorry for my very creepy English,just look there:

dookiegirl.deviantart.com/favo…
Reply
:iconmurderous-coffeebean:
Murderous-Coffeebean Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw man, it's awesome to see you wrote a new chapter of TCD! :aww: :happybounce: (Oh man, I've got so much to catch up with this summer alskdgh)
Also, since I just noticed that- happy (kind of belated ^^') 4th anniversary here on dA, dearie! :dummy: :heart: :glomp: :party:
Reply
:iconidunno09:
Idunno09 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, feels kinda nice to have written again even if just a bit :la:
Wha- I didn't know I had an anniversary! :noes: YAY FOR ME! :party: And thanks. :meow:
Reply
:iconmurderous-coffeebean:
Murderous-Coffeebean Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
That's great to hear! :)
YAY! :party: :la:
And I hope that, even though both of us are much less active on here than we used to be, that you'll stick around (here and in general) much longer than twice than that! I would never want to lose contact with such a wonderful person like you, you know? :huggle: :heart: (And yeah, I am really slow when it comes to replying this year, but remember that this doesn't mean I forget about you or messages I still have to reply to, yeah? ^^ ♥ ) 
Reply
:iconidunno09:
Idunno09 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Heehee :meow:
Aaw, dude ^^ Yah, I'll still stick around even if I haven't got stuff to upload anymore; I've done amazing friends I don't want to lose contact with, like you! :heart:
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(1 Reply)
:iconxdallaswinstonx:
xDallasWinstonx Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2014
Cuz you're webcam and all too that vid was hilarious
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