|I'm actually proud of this one|
|I'd be really glad if you check this one, 'One Last Kiss' or any other of my fictions. It makes me happy to receive positive feedback. |
But please, be soft with me. My work means a lot to me.
The Cat Duet - Chapter 40Chapter 40: Roses and KittensThe Cat Duet - Chapter 40 by Idunno09
The play carried on for some more scenes.
It all went according to plan, except first time Billie and Gerard saw each other after singing to Rossini’s Cat Duet and marking The Kiss of the whole thing, because they could not help the maddening blush that caused a few people to giggle at ‘how real they made it seem they liked each other’. After that there were some scenes of the couple making up for the misunderstanding, some mess, exaggerated drama Derek was narrating according to his point of view (where he was the hero that suddenly became a soldier in the scene against an evil vampire queen and her army of zombies to rescue her loved one and his comrades from the mighty dragon, and he managed to save it all with some super punches, with his friends ending up giving him medals, praising him at his feet, with the princess in arms and a random, senseless explosion happening background), at which he was taken out of his fantasy world to be
Billierard Drabble - TieBillie hurried downstairs and walked by strides across the hall.Billierard Drabble - Tie by Idunno09
He stopped for a moment in front of a wall mirror set just around the corner in front of a small bureau with a pair of framed photographs and a flower base. Looking at his own reflection, he cleared a bit of smudged eyeliner and messed up his hair a bit. He wanted to look good for his interview that evening, for which, looking at his wrist, he was already late for.
He tightened the knot of his tie, gave a look at himself a last time, and he started heading towards the front door. Just as he opened the mouth to call for someone else, the love of his life, a dark-brown haired man of innocent hazel eyes, appeared from the door that leaded to his own personal studio; his was full of papers and sketches, while Billie’s was full of instruments, except for the piano at the living room.
“Gee!” Billie managed to exclaim as he opened up his arms to the other, expecting to receive a hug and kiss goodbye, but only h
*BY THE WAY* My laptop suffered of something. Information may not be saved. The Cat Duet and Ghosts of the Attic, plus a Medieval!Frikey, a Frerard request, a Frerard oneshot, It Seem Like We're Puppies were there. There's a 20% probabilities they will be saved. I'm destroyed like you don't have an idea. Because they were my babies. You may know my intimacy with The Cat Duet....
My original novel, all the details, facts, characters, storyline, important points and such of the story are all gone.
Kilos and kilos of music.
All my pictures.
All. My. Homework. Homework I've done for THREE weeks. ALL. OF. IT. Now I've gotta repeat and do magic, because it's due to Monday. Hahahahaaaaaaaaahg asfhdisogjfdg
But what I'm losing in MS Word is what hurts the most. My fictions and first original shit. And poems. And my music compositions. Leave me here to die.
Now the next part: Dramatically Long Journals. The topic of this week: Let's Name Him Andy.
They say things get alright. They just don't mention how ridiculous it can get.
*Warning* EXTREMELY LONG D:
I hadn't talked about this earlier because I didn't want to spam you with all these journals, and also because I didn't want to get my hopes too far up.
Andy is this guy I know since a week or so before joining my current school. Y'see, once you get to be part of the school, as it's only like 100 people per generation, it's quite a small community (especially since not all survive semester by semester). So as it's quite "special" to get to be in, the guys a year above us, a week or so before you go into your first year, do some kind of Welcoming, that's more a game than a party, without us knowing it's a game. After it, somebody of them must become the "godfather" or "godmother" of one of the first-year guys, and it's chosen randomly, they don't pick their kid.
There was this guy, glasses, big brown eyes, messy black hair, slightly dark-skinned, slender and...I calculate 5 foot eight?, who got to become my godfather. First conversation was after the welcoming, he went looking after me to tell me I could ask him anything, and such, being my godfather and all, I thanked him, goodbye, the end.
Since then, we didn't talk shit.
It was not that I didn't want to. Indeed, the problema was that I was dying to. After a few days of the first days of classes on first year, I once saw him (not like I was stalking or anything) and thought "...I kinda like him". But he's this badass, cool guy, so damn attractive and so ridiculously awesome that I thought, "Why would such a cool guy want to hang out with such a wimp?", so I backed off, so he wouldn't find out the loser I was, and even worse compared to him.
First year went by, he got a girlfriend on first semester, I got my boyfriend in second semester...and Andy and I only talked from 2 to 3 or 4 times, and never something too long or interesting. He was too cool to be my friend, I thought. It was basically the same Maria case; I liked him so, so, sososososososo much I just couldn't talk to him because that'd mean dying out of thirst beside the fountain. Off to holidays, into third semester, I broke up with my boyfriend, died of embarrassment until December (because the whole school knew what he did, and I died of embarrassment just walking into school for being "that girl he cheated on"), holidays, fourth semester, and still not friends or anything, just a few words shared every now and then; curiously, mostly thanks to Maria.
Somewhere between my third and fourth semester, he broke up with his girlfriend. Then, by...what? February? He started speaking to me more than the usual. No, maybe March. Facebook conversations mostly, then he lost a bet with me and ows me a raccoon for daring me to learn, by memory and without stuttering, the word "pentakysmiriohexaquiskiliotetracosiohexacontapentagonalis" (FUCK YEAH! ), and a bit more of conversation, I found him sometimes when I got out of classes, sometimes Heard him play guitar while with Maria (he's, I swear, the best guitarist in school, at least from third and second year, as I don't know much of the first graders), and stuff like that.
Then, one day, he started sending me letters. Not as in, letters...literally, letters. First, "E J M". Then, the second day, "M U U", and more letters that started our conversations, and I used to take it as a joke and something to joke with and such, and as days carried on, we continued talking, and it was really comfortable, but I still felt stupid most of the time for talking to such awesome dude being me. After a few more letters, the only reasonable thing was "I like you so much", with a few letters missing. I went nuts and then I was like, whatthehell, and I just lied down failing miserably in life because I was hallucinating and thinking he would ever ever in existance like me out of every other person out there. Then he gave me a few more letters, and the only, single thing that turned out of those words was "I like you so muc-", and he said "Only one letter left. Now it's your turn, find it out "
It's Sunday, April 13. He confirms the last letter is H (S, in my case), and I've got low internet, at granny's house. I go nuts, I only turn out with that answer, I lose my sense of logic, then almost get a brain attack, at which he laughs, then sees it's almost a panic attack (god, I can be awkward...), and decides to solve it before I die, as I tell him I can't find a logic answer. He says the correct order had to be: "I l i k e y o u s o m u c h" (it was a puzzle with logic, not just breaking the phrase in letters then throw it away randomly). I almost got a heart attack, had to go in circles around the living room, and started trembling so much I swear I almost passed out. So I went paranoid and told him it didn't make sense and such, and he asked "It was THAT bad finding out?", and so on, and then I just was like "...b-baaah, what is happening? ;___;", and he somewhat wanted to explain, seeing the state I was in.
He said he had more than enough reasons, but, I quote, "if you want only one, that's because it's YOU", so I went nuts (I haven't gotten in such stressed, paranoid and eager state as then, THAT'S how bad he had me), and then I told him that I still didn't understand because it all was so out of nowhere, and he said that, no, indeed, it all started since I joined the school, but that I didn't have to ask him why because he didn't know either. Then I went even more nuts, and told him "I just...akdjskdg, it doesn't make sense, and I'm literally shocked. And it was really unexpected, because....I liked you too since I joined the school. And still like you ><"
Then things got awkward, and I explained the reason I didn't speak to him, and then I said I didn't know what to say, and he said "I guess it's been said enough". And we stayed in silence for like three hours, until he said we had to break the awkward and asked me what I was doing. We started talking as if though absolutely nothing had happened, and I freaked out again, so after a few more talking and slowly, discretely, we started talking a bit more...more romantically, like we were a couple or something, so I freaked out because I didn't know our position. So days passed by without me knowing what the hell had happened, and uh, we talked like friends, like usual, but from time to time we said stuff like we were already a couple and such, so that confused me even more and made me think I was dreaming or something and I was so deeply scared of waking up I just almost cried ;____;
Then he said that there was this coward boy who wanted to ask this girl out, but he was too shy and scared to do it, and so I suggested he better do it, and so he was like "So...you want to go out with me?" and I just went plain nuts and died and had to run around in circles (literally), then tell him Yes without even asking my parents and such. So on Friday 18, it was his birthday, and we still talked like friends, then like a couple, then friends and so on and on, and aosjdoijg, then on Saturday I went with two friends to this place where they sell band merch and goth, punk, skate, emo, dark, blah blah blah stuff, and side note,I bought my first Green Day tee and a dragon earring kinda thingie.
Then we went to sit to a bench where I'd wait for Andy (one of my friends was off home, the other, my best friend, would be off with Maria, his girlfriend), but I was so nervous I almost ran home. No joke. I had to be sat there, facing the side I was facing, because that was the plan with Andy. I explain; I told him that if I saw him arriving, I'd get so, so, sososososososo red I'd die of embarrassment, so I asked him to arrive from behind, cover my eyes so I'd know it was him, so I'd have time to become apple-red, then let it fade, and finally turn around and greet him. I'm a scared kitten, don't judge ;____;
And so that happened. Itwassodamnsweet. And then we went to watch Spiderman 2, which isn't the great thing, really, more love and drama than blood and fighting, and he was all anxious and so nervous I swear he almost got a heart attack right there buying damn popcorns. So after the movie we went to walk around the place, then we went out because he wanted to, straight off to this library, found it closed, so we sat outside.
He's got something for kisses. More than anything, for seeing other people kiss; he enjoys watching two people that love each other kissing, because, as he says, there's just so much happening in those moments, and it's magic and he loves it. So he started looking for people that were kissing, and found none. So we sat in silence for minutes and minutes, and the silence carried on and he just turned to look at me, tried to say something, stuttered, tried to get closer, couldn't, went back, more stuttering, and more silence.
Then he just started taking my hand between his, looking at it as if searching something, and then just held it against his own. Then he started rambling about kisses again, and about how wonderful they were. His favorite kisses to stare at are the first ones between people, not the first one ever (because he says he'd have to stalk little kids and that'd be creepy), and he started rambling about them.
He said many things ocurred before and during one of those. "For example, hands start to sweat...", and I just blushed so much I almost bleed from the face because our damn hands were sweating and I hadnoideawhattodo and I started panicking and ohmygood I stillpanicifIremember asjopdfjpohgh- *Idunno09.exe has stopped working*
He kept trying and trying, and I didn't say a thing and just burned like a damn cherry and almost died. I don't remember exactly what he said BUT IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME and damn sweet, and he kept trying and such, and he was DAMN NERVOUS AND DAMN SCARED, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN, OHMYGODLIKELIKE,I mean, he's this freking AWESOME dude that goes on stage fearless and does epic shit, and he's HE'S SO DAMN SHY IT'S RIDICULOUS, IT'S LIKE TAKING DAMN SHYNESS, MAKE IT HANDSOME AND CALL IT ANDY LIKE SERIOUSLY. SHY. AS IN, HE'S SHY. IALWAYSWANTEDASHYGUY.
After a while of just staring at me, trembling and almost getting an anxiety attack (he said it was literal; he tends to get anxiety attacks if he's too nervous or scared, and he was both in the moment), and his mouth trembled a bit as well, and he had to grip my hand to calm the heck down.Then he just stared at me, stared away and sighed, and said "God...by now, I would have done or said something, I'd of have moved already. Why can't I? What makes you different?" AND I ALMOST EXPLODEDANDDIEDANDPEEDRIGHTTHEREICAN'TCOPEWITHTHESEFEELINGSANDEMOTIONS AISDJOIGJODIFGJFOIJG
And he kept trying and then just shook his head and murmured "I can't". I just stayed there, silent and seeing him, and he just said "I can't...I can't do it", and he kept denying it. And I don't remember exactly how we got there, but he then just sighed, sat across me instead of across-to-a-side, and I was so frozen out of my state of shock, I don't remember well what he said, but he closed my eyes softly after moments of silence.Then he whispered "Don't open them", and I nodded. He knows I'm far too shy to kiss someone, so I have to go "Do it you, while I don't see and just expect it", and I just stayed there, eyes closed, waiting.He took an eternity, but I don't complain. It's...it's first time someone actually does it the way I do; slow, far too slow to really move at first. So slow he took more time getting close than actually kissing me. So slow I thought he had run away
I was there, just waiting, and I felt tickles all around everywhere. Then I got scared because I have no idea hwo to kiss and I had my platonic love right there wanting to get close and I was paranoid and didn'tknowwhattodo, so I thought of running away, but I didn't want to because I wanted that to happen.His hair suddenly tickled me. He went back again out of fear or nerves, and had to start again. When I felt his hair again on my forehead, I tightened my closed eyes, and my respiration got heavier out of fear and nerves. I swear he was so damn slow it's the best kiss I've ever received; I always wanted just that, that he or she would just take their time there, just breathing the same air, barely even ghosting the mouth with their own, just waiting, going slow.
And, then, it happened. The ridiculously soft, once-impossible-like, platonic, dearly-wanted-since-ages lips of the guy I tagged as Impossible, pressed to mine...so, so damn softly, I felt our lips would become clouds or cotton. It was...dude, now I understand the shit I write; the slowest, softest, most gentle kiss I've received in my whole life. And it was the best.And it lasted. But it was SO slow I thought for a minute this was a movie and it had become slow-motion. Nobody's ever been as gentle, shy, slow and damn careful like he was.
When he stopped, he didn't get away; he freaking stayed there, nose to nose and forehead to forehead, just apsojdoipjgoidjgoijfg HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE IN REAL LIFE!? And he just kept kissing my face and being SO damn gentle I still don't understand how that was even possible. So we talked a bit about how we felt and such, and I told him about what I considered him and why I couldn't believe this.
Then he smiled and said "There's this coward...who would like to know if this girl would like to be his...you know..." *three minutes of stuttering* "...girlfriend....but he's too shy...what would that girl say?" *leaves it here to continue journal tomorrow.* *comes back* and I just went nuts and told him that maybe that girl wanted to say Yes, but... "But?" he questioned to my silence. And, suddenly, I started crying .___. I started telling him that maybe that girl was scared, not because of what the boy would do to her, but because of what he could find out of the girl...because if they had left her, it's for no other reason than knowing her true self.
I just started crying and he looked at me like he was finding out some kind of side of me he didn't expect. I just, god, felt pathetic. Because I've got in mind that if they've dumped me twice for somebody else, it's because I'm not enough, and therefore, I must be boring, ugly, stupid, awkward, or/and many other things that they find out along the relationship, then lasts thre months until they get tired of my shit, and change me/leave me or something, so I cried all this to him, and I expected promises of forever and protection, but instead he plain hugged me, and cuddld the tears away. Then, once separated, he said that it's okay, and that if I ever get hurt, it would be fault of every but him.
Before kissing me, he had looked at me with sad eyes and kissed me on the cheek as softly and gently, and told me he was scared of trying a relationship because he, for his own mistakes, tends to hurt his partner, and he didn't want to repeat it. Therefore, the fact that, after telling me so for the second time, he actually went to ask me and promised to not forget the fear but at least get over it on the way...man, I couldn't say no, but I was still shitlss scared, because...well, I promised no more relationships, especially with people as awesome as he is.
After some moments and more talking, he asked again. I askd him if he didn't have problems with it; with me not liking masses of people, being unexperienced in basically everything, and especially with my problems related to physical contact (I jump if they try to touch me, but I'm working on it). He said it totally didn't matter, and w kept talking and trying to solve things out. At a certain point, he took my face and started kissing it, as slowly and gently as before. Then he kissed my eye, and I giggled, thinking it was a game, but he whispered "I don't like to see you crying", and kissed both of my eyes so damn sweetly I almost exploded right there.
I told him that I still doubted, because, quoting myself, "You're a ridiculously attractive guy, so you should be with a ridiculously attractive person", but we just laughed at how I said it despite being serious, and he hugged me again. He told me that he didn't care, and that he actually considered me one of the prettiest girls in second grade and aosjdoisjgoifjgg. Man, I'm sorry, I know there's just SO much to tell you but I just don't remember the whole thing clearly because...well, I was in panic. Almost literally. Maybe literally. I'm not sure, I just know my brain died at night. In the end, I said yes. Couldn't say no to him. I mean...it's the awesome guy I totally tagged as Impossible and th dude I've always crushed on since almost the very first day I freaking saw him, standing right at my doorstep!
After that we kept talking and stuff, and I don't remember well what we said and such because, y'know, I was so lost in the moment I just...lived in the present and forgot to note it for the future. What I know is, he said that he had found out that "that girl", talking again as if though it was about other people, was quite hurt and scared, but that he wanted to help her and try to solve all the things others had not appreciated yet so HE BASICALLY SAID HEWANTEDTOFIXTHEBROKENSTUFFANDTHAT'SSOMEBEAUTIFULSHIT!
Once, talking through Facebook before that Saturday, he told me about his fear of hurting others, so I asked why he didn't stop. He said that it's just that sometimes people didn't understand him, and he went uncomfortable, anxious or he felt like the 'love' just faded away, reason of why he tends to break up with his partners, but he doesn't like that because he knows he's hurting them, and he's scared of hurting people. So I told him that it was just a matter of being patient with himself, and realize that there will always be a point where he would fel like that, but that he had to carry on and realize it's just a phase. That was first time he said "I think I'm kinda complicated and people don't understand sometimes...I'm digusting". I told him that he was not, and that there were people who seemd to be disgusting, when they're just misunderstood. "I like to understand them...or at least pretend I do", I told him.
then I told him I wanted to help him. He asked me what I thought of him now that I knew that, and I just said "I think you're just scared and hurt, and haven't noticed". He askd if I was serious and I said "Yes, but that's nothing bad. It's not something impossible to understand and fix". So I basically promised him to overcome his fear. But...man, this is quite a strong promise; I?ve promised to be strong facing my own fear. He fears hurting, I fear to be hurt...I'm not sure whether it'll happen soon or not, but I know that, when it's my turn to help him, I'll have to be way stronger than I've been before. Because it's facing a fear, for the sake of destroying his. Curious thing is, destroying his, mine cools down as well, and maybe even goes away.
That's what we noticed; we're standing in such similar situation, we haven't realized how alike we are. And that, my friends, give me a totally positive feeling.
We're both damn shy like hell, and when he asked me out, we both went nuts and paranoid, and we ended up made a mess organizing ourselves and he said "God, I'm sorry. Look at me, trying to finally ask you out, and going stupid. I'm way too dumb for this". I told him. "Don't worry, I'm freaking dumb with all this, too. But look at it this way; dumb + dumb = something must result". and I AND I DIDN'T REALIZE WHAT I SAID UNTIL I SENT IT AND OHMYGODIALMOSTDIERIGHTTHERE I WANTED THE GROUNDTOEATME DX But it turned out just fine! Indeed, he remembered about it when he asked me to be in a relationship. He rested his forehead to mine, held my hands, smiled and said, after I had gone nuts on the reasons why he shouldn't be with me, "Hey...dumb plus dumb...", so I just laughed (I was still crying) and whispered "Something must result".
Okay, I don't know you, but this smells like my new favorite love story.
After more cuddling and kissing a bit more just as gentle as before, he asked me to kiss him. He had noticed that when he kissed me, I stayed totally frozen and tensed up, and he asked why; "It's just...I don't have an idea how to kiss, so I'm scared you won't like it. Besides, it's not just kissing someone, it's kissing the guy...that...well...*goes shy* It's like this; you've always wanted to be Captain America *realizes dumb metaphor but goes on* and suddenly they offer you wearing the real suit and OOOOOOOOOH, YOU CAN'T DO IT BECAUSE OH MY GOD IT'S WHAT YOU'V ALWAYS WANTED, YOU JUST DON'T DESERVE IT AND NONONONONO", so he just laughed and hugged me again. In the end I took like five minute, had to cover his eyes even when he had closed them, and I chickened out like ten times, then just gave him a quick peck....BUT I DID IT!
We just stayed there, staring to one another to the eyes, talking, sorting things out, cuddling a bit....I really can't dscribe it fully, but I swear...if I had a time machine, I wouldn't change anything, I wouldn't fix something...I'd just go back to that moment, and pause, and repeat, and repeat....I'll never get tired of that evening. We felt it was 5 minutes. We spent there around three hours.
I got home late. Now I'm grounded.
But...things are going at the rhythm they have to go between us. Thing is, it's amazingly fast; I dared to hug him by the neck, and dared to kiss him. We spent like an hour saying goodbye, and I found it hard to just go leave to the train home. Indeed, when I finally had guts to turn around, I had to start running; if I didn't, I'd just run back to hug him. And we actually kissed goodbye. I don't know you, but that, those little details, are HUGE for me. Really, HUGE. Like, it took me one month to do all that in my previous relationship...who knows. We're going fast, but slow at the same time.
We've promised to help one another with their respective fear. That same promise was made in my previous relationship; he said something like "Maybe if we try...your ghosts will fight mine, and, who knows, we'll heal". It melted me to hear that...but I ended up taking his ghosts joining mine instead of having them all destroyed. Now it was "If you get hurt, it'll be fault of any but me. I promise. I'll help you with your fears", and the reply, "I know you're scared, but I want to help you too...". Now, it was not just letting myself fall into the promises; it was taking them carefully, and promise back. This time, I felt it al more serious. I found a side of him I didn't know and who's always there, not hidden; the shy, scared Andy, that doesn't want to hurt, that's honest. And he told me he met more faces of me; the shy, the sad, the happy and the honest one. Dudes, I'm running out of words. What I know is, we're both having troubles making it public.
It's not been too long since he broke up with his girlfriend, and she still seems quite hurt about it. Worst is, that girl and I've become closer this semester since I tried to get her a ticket for a metal fest she wanted to go to (the fest was cancelled anyway). I've been in the same classes with her for these two years, except she's in the Dance area and I'm in music, but we have the 'normal' subjects together (math, biology, english...). He's finding it hard to make it public because he feels like a douchebag for breaking up with her, because he says people consider him disgusting after that (not really, I think he's exaggerating, but I guess there may be people who think he did wrong). I, on my part, am still a bit embarrassed everyday at school, for becoming "the ex of the popular guy", andso there was a scandal about us and such, where I'm not Me but 'that girl' of the scandal. We're both in awkward situations where people go dramatic over what we do or something, because we're both standing somewhere where pain was involved.
So we'll go slow when we go back to classes. Saddest thing ever; by June or July, he finishes high school. So he's got to leave to university and aosjdosifjoidgjdfig, you make out the rest
Uhm, so after that, I had to leave home, and I couldn't say bye, and I already narrated that so yeah, I'm outta here /O/
That's basically it. I, uhm....I'm in a relationship again, with the guy I had tagged as Impossible since always. Yup.
I ended up crying out of happiness again, because...well, you may know, life wasn't going good. Indeed, it hadn't gone as bad since middle school, and I felt drowned in misery. When he kissed me, I actually thought for a moment, that maybe life had gotten so bad, that a thousand other bad things had happened, but they were so huge for my brain to cope with that I fell in a comatose, and now I was dreaming since the school trip, beucase since the school trip, I certainly don't feel a single bit awake, but I know I am. But happening or not,I knew I was living it; the guy I always crushed on, the guy I admire in secret, and who gives me guts to actually study when I feel I'm useless at what I'm studying for how good he is at it, the guy I knew as Impossible....not just kissing me, but really kissing me. It's the softest, slowest, gentlest kiss I've received; indeed, I've considered it my first. First time somebody kisses me, not just "kisses me".
And not only that, also going so nuts over just going out with me, that...I still can't explain it. I literally still can't believe it. And if I'm honest, I still think I'm sleeping; and I pray to the heavens to never wake up. Because I like this.
There was a point after I had given him the yes (I believe) that I started crying in happiness to him, and he asked why. I told him, and quote: "It's just that...when they told me 'Don't worry...it gets better', I didn't think it'd be this ridiculously great" and I wasn't lying. It's just. Shit had fallen down on me pretty badly. To the point I couldn't hide it and tended to just break down in tears randomly. On September the fifth, thrown down on the ground with my head on a friend's lap, he whispered "It's all going to be okay, I promise", and so many people told me so, and so did many of you. And I believed you, I always did. But you never mentioned how ridiculously great it would become.
I knew the world would pay me somehow and give me better when it would be time and what I'd deserve. But Andy...he's far too much! I thought my payback from Life would take much longer, and even then it wouldn't be as great, and...wow, Andy. I mean, as in...Andy. Life didn't only pay back to me; it's given me a thousand times more than deserved, and a bonus or something.
I told him that I couldn't believe this, because I had grown tired of all this shit and ended up wanting nothing. I had said I didn't want any other relationship until age 21 or something, when we all would grow up and realize relationship are serious stuff. And here I am. I told him that I couldn't believe it because...well, it was like I was pitch black, expecting and wanting nothing, and actually wanting to stay there, and suddenly having a sparkle of light telling you "Nope. Not your place" and pulling you out. I know it's dramatic and too soon to put it like this, but the only fact taht such a guy like him actually laid eyes on me...gave me terribly huge hopes, and that's great. It gave me reasons to have reasons to wake up in the mornings. I mean, I wasn't entirely bad, I had healed much more than I was past year, but you know what I mean.
So life lesson, little marbles and marblettes; when they tell you it gets better, never doubt it's true.
No matter how bad it gets, or how worse it gets, things turn out better in the end. Whatever happens, it has to...and it leads you to a whole new beginning where things go much better, and the way you deserve it, even when you feel it's too much...because you'll never be too little for anything life gives you. It's giving you so for a reason, after all.
Idunno09 can tell you is finding happiness in its pure context once again. I just hope things turn out find, and that this doesn't become like the previous stuff...wish me the bst of lucks, and daily pray to your God or no-God for this to turn out fine just once!
I guess this must be an enourmous journal, I've been typing it for more than a day .-. So I'll leave it here.
I'm destroyed because of all the information on my computer, but...heh, something bad had to happen between all these good things going on for almost a month now non-stop!
I'm seeing him on Wednesday. Hope I make it home on time now, though!
Have the greatest of weeks!